Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The Descent


If I sound like a bitch today, that's because I'm doing my job right. No more chipper, happy-sounding posts for a nice long while. That means the end to corny quirks such as "Pwang" and "The Daily News, Damnit" until I god-damn feel like playing around again. I am NOT doing well ... Allow me to explain...

Apparently, I'm stupid. I must be. And no one has had to tell me this--I miraculously discovered this phenomenon on my own. Recall, if you will, my previous entry and it's beginning contents. Have it commited to memory? Good. Because guess what--it happened again. Not with same said friend ... but rather an aquaintence from the local arcade I've been known to frequently call a haunt. And allow me to be the first to tell you ... it didn't stop until it was too late--I went through with it. Am I going through extreme self-loathing, anguish, torment, or a sense of guilt so mighty it could crush my bones by its sheer gravity? ........ No. Am I proud or pleased with what I did? Of course not--but I lack the emotional stubburness and determination to belabor myself as before. There really isn't a proper description or explination for my current thought process. I don't feel like trying to kill myself. Don't really feel like wailing and crying and making a big scene. Don't want piss and moan about how miserable my life is, either. I merely intend to close myself off to all but a select few. I'm basically giving myself the right to be a public bitch.

The happy, social, friendly go-getter everyone has become so aquainted with is dead and gone. If they don't like me, tough shit. If I'm acting like a bitch, it's because I don't want to bother with you, anyway. My social moments are only for those I have come to trust as friends and loved ones. And even then, these happier feelings will only be expressed away from the public eye. To everyone else, I'm going to be the rudest, tight-assed, stindgiest, most anti-social bitch the world has ever known. And that's the way I want it. No, I'm not issuing a "silent cry for help". No, I'm not secretly going home and crying myself to sleep. I'm fine. My bitchiness is an honor I reserve for you--rest assured I'm happy as a clown once I get home. But for you, I grant the favor of being completely put off by my presence. Learn to deal with it.

If I get the inclination to post something here, then I will--only when I feel like it. So don't come to expect anything from me. I'll post when I post. Period. I have a life outside of this.

Okay, I've gotten bored with this--I have nothing more to say.

*flip off*

-- Synwolf

Current Mood: apathetic
Current Music:
Seether - Broken


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