A Little Hiatus
Pwang...
I vanished, it seems. Sorry--been a little under the whether lately. Here's a rather gloomy episode of...
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THE DAILY NEWS, DAMNIT...
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If I Could Turn Back Time...
I don't want to get into the details on here, but ... I actually ALMOST cheated on my mate with one of my best friends ... and that, my friends, was the night from Hell. For those that don't know it, Juan and I have been coasting through some rough spots for the last several months. And also, for those that don't know, I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety disorder which I'm medicated for. These two things are a volatile combo--I will first say to my defense that I really wasn't "getting what I needed" from Juan at the time, so a part of me feels I was driven to it. But I will say in Juan's defense that I have been doing a poor job of communicating my needs to him, so that complicates the fact that he's still new to this area of a relationship. I will also go on to say that no matter what the reason or excuse, I almost took things to a VERY bad place ... and while nothing was "done", things went a tad further than they should have, so I had a good reason to be upset. And believe me ... upset I was. I have a chronic habit of self-abuse (both emotional and physical), and I will merely say that I did a good job of making myself pay for it. My overall health has suffered for it, however, and I'll still paying that price even now. Even though all is finally on the mend between Juan and I ... the situation with MYSELF ... that's an issue i doubt will ever be fully resolved. This situation has opened up new and old wounds alike and has caused me to turn in upon myself a bit more than I once did. I feel as thogh I have a responsability to better know myself and try and learn the lesson ... without beating myself up over this for years to come. And I will, if given the chance. I gave vent to my feelings awhile back, however, so at least some small inner part of me feels better. I hope the rest of me is as easy to fix as doing a drawing...
- - - - - - - - - -
The Band-Aid For The Wound...
Well, while I never got into Open Beta for WoW (the download for the client was enormous--it took one look at my internet speed and laughed), the game has been out since the 23rd, and it's made dealing with the above post's contents a little easier to bear. I've been needing an "escape" for a long while. While it's obviously not going to wave a little magic wand and make all my problems go away, it's nice to not have to think about them for awhile and just ... have fun--simple as that. Thanks largely to it, though, I vanished from Blogger, but I'll try to update a tad more frequently from here on out.
- - - - - - - - - -
Aaaaand The OTHER Wound...
As for my toe, it finally cleared up about 3 weeks ago and thankfully I never had to go to the doctor for it, but I did learn something, though--I'm borderline diabetic. Fun, eh? Like I don't have enough to worry about, as is. So thanks to that, I still have a doctor's appointment for a full physical, which I haven't had in over ... 7 years, I think. Nah, maybe more like 4 or 5, but still--it's been awhile. NOT looking forward to it, though ... They have to do bloodwork, and I happen to be DEATHLY afraid of syringes. Will never know why--I've been like that for as long as I can possibly remember. This is NOT going to be pleasant ... that much I know...
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Whose Wearing The Pants NOW, Huh?!
There is good news throughout all of this, however. I have a fuckin' job now, finally! It isn't very prestigous--I work at a Goodwill store--but y'know what? They're paying $6.00 an hour, which is more than I've ever been paid, so I'll gladly take it. Beggers can't be choosers, and I'm in a DESPERATE need for cash, so something's gotta give. It's part-time, though, so it won't be any worse than my first job ... just with more money. And with the steep cost of WoW, my plans for the upcoming year (I hope to finally go to AnthroCon this time like I keep saying I will), and the fact that soon, Juan and I will be living together ... there needs to be some green to fund all this. Thankfully, that's settled (for now) and I can finally stop worrying so damn much.
- - - - - - - - - -
And with that, I end a belated episode of...
- - - - - - - - - -
THE DAILY MOTHERFUCKING NEWS, DAMNITALL!!!
- - - - - - - - - -
Ugh ... I need sleep ... I REALLY gotta stop making these journal entries at almost 2:30 in the morning...
*paw wavies*
-- Synwolf
______________________________________
Current Mood:
gloomy
Current Music: Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
I vanished, it seems. Sorry--been a little under the whether lately. Here's a rather gloomy episode of...
- - - - - - - - - -
THE DAILY NEWS, DAMNIT...
- - - - - - - - - -
If I Could Turn Back Time...
I don't want to get into the details on here, but ... I actually ALMOST cheated on my mate with one of my best friends ... and that, my friends, was the night from Hell. For those that don't know it, Juan and I have been coasting through some rough spots for the last several months. And also, for those that don't know, I suffer from clinical depression and anxiety disorder which I'm medicated for. These two things are a volatile combo--I will first say to my defense that I really wasn't "getting what I needed" from Juan at the time, so a part of me feels I was driven to it. But I will say in Juan's defense that I have been doing a poor job of communicating my needs to him, so that complicates the fact that he's still new to this area of a relationship. I will also go on to say that no matter what the reason or excuse, I almost took things to a VERY bad place ... and while nothing was "done", things went a tad further than they should have, so I had a good reason to be upset. And believe me ... upset I was. I have a chronic habit of self-abuse (both emotional and physical), and I will merely say that I did a good job of making myself pay for it. My overall health has suffered for it, however, and I'll still paying that price even now. Even though all is finally on the mend between Juan and I ... the situation with MYSELF ... that's an issue i doubt will ever be fully resolved. This situation has opened up new and old wounds alike and has caused me to turn in upon myself a bit more than I once did. I feel as thogh I have a responsability to better know myself and try and learn the lesson ... without beating myself up over this for years to come. And I will, if given the chance. I gave vent to my feelings awhile back, however, so at least some small inner part of me feels better. I hope the rest of me is as easy to fix as doing a drawing...
- - - - - - - - - -
The Band-Aid For The Wound...
Well, while I never got into Open Beta for WoW (the download for the client was enormous--it took one look at my internet speed and laughed), the game has been out since the 23rd, and it's made dealing with the above post's contents a little easier to bear. I've been needing an "escape" for a long while. While it's obviously not going to wave a little magic wand and make all my problems go away, it's nice to not have to think about them for awhile and just ... have fun--simple as that. Thanks largely to it, though, I vanished from Blogger, but I'll try to update a tad more frequently from here on out.
- - - - - - - - - -
Aaaaand The OTHER Wound...
As for my toe, it finally cleared up about 3 weeks ago and thankfully I never had to go to the doctor for it, but I did learn something, though--I'm borderline diabetic. Fun, eh? Like I don't have enough to worry about, as is. So thanks to that, I still have a doctor's appointment for a full physical, which I haven't had in over ... 7 years, I think. Nah, maybe more like 4 or 5, but still--it's been awhile. NOT looking forward to it, though ... They have to do bloodwork, and I happen to be DEATHLY afraid of syringes. Will never know why--I've been like that for as long as I can possibly remember. This is NOT going to be pleasant ... that much I know...
- - - - - - - - - -
Whose Wearing The Pants NOW, Huh?!
There is good news throughout all of this, however. I have a fuckin' job now, finally! It isn't very prestigous--I work at a Goodwill store--but y'know what? They're paying $6.00 an hour, which is more than I've ever been paid, so I'll gladly take it. Beggers can't be choosers, and I'm in a DESPERATE need for cash, so something's gotta give. It's part-time, though, so it won't be any worse than my first job ... just with more money. And with the steep cost of WoW, my plans for the upcoming year (I hope to finally go to AnthroCon this time like I keep saying I will), and the fact that soon, Juan and I will be living together ... there needs to be some green to fund all this. Thankfully, that's settled (for now) and I can finally stop worrying so damn much.
- - - - - - - - - -
And with that, I end a belated episode of...
- - - - - - - - - -
THE DAILY MOTHERFUCKING NEWS, DAMNITALL!!!
- - - - - - - - - -
Ugh ... I need sleep ... I REALLY gotta stop making these journal entries at almost 2:30 in the morning...
*paw wavies*
-- Synwolf
______________________________________
Current Mood:
gloomyCurrent Music: Linkin Park - Breaking The Habit
posted by Synwolf at 2:34 AM
0 comments
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