Thursday, May 12, 2005

And Life Keeps Moving On...

It's been awhile ... piss off.

A lot has changed since I last posted. I'm not working at Goodwill anymore ... my ... "condition" ... wouldn't allow for it. I apparently have joint problems that I can personally thank my weight for. I'm such a fat turd ... honestly ... But my new blessing came in the form of a new Hallmark store opening up ... where my first job had been. It was also a Hallmark store. I'm thrilled to say the least. In the meantime, I'm working at the second-closest store to undergo training until my store opens. It's a nice small shop, which means I'm not moving around nearly as much. My leg gets a rest--the Spirits have mercy. And ... apparently with the way everything has panned out, they also have a sense of humor...

And the kitten finally arrived ... and brought a sibling with it. Just goes to show that a female wolf really WILL adopt just about anything. I am now the proud mother of Velcro--a black mixed breed female with very faint gray tabby-like marking and light green eyes--and Razor--awhite mixed breed male with a marmalade-colored patch on the very top of his head and grayish blue eyes. They're both just the slightest bit over 2 months old, now. I got two, because I knew with my new job and all I wouldn't be able to spend as much time with them as a rowdy, playful kittens needs, so a sibling makes for good company. I really needed to have these children ... I really did. I needed a purpose ... a direction ... I also needed a small, new, untainted life to love me and I got twice what I asked for. I feel blessed to have gotten this opportunity. My babies are very special to me. I owe them a great debt of gratitude for saving me ... from myself...

Sure enough, I still hate myself like a motherfucker over ... "the incident" ... I've most likely fucked myself up for life with that one. Hurray me. It probably doesn't help that I never got the chance to "bury the hatchet" as they say. Or maybe it was that I didn't have the courage to create a chance ... I'll never know ... All I do know for certain is that it feels too late for closure ... I missed my chance ... and with it, my release...

I've taken a career switch ... I've come to see that my artwork is a hobby. I found my true calling in natural medicine. I've decided to become a Master Herbalist. An apothecary, if you will. I've always felt very closely connected to the earth. As a wolf, it's only natural. Following a way of using the earth's gifts to heal the sick and wounded gives me a chance to ... "pacify the beast", you could call it. What's that old proverb ... "When you cannot destroy, create"? Then create I will. My father is willing to fully fund the homestudy courses to get all my degrees in herbalism (we have no actual schools for natural medicine here in Florida). From there, I hope to someday have my own apothecary shop from which I can sell herbs and make perscriptions for specific ailments. The idea alone gives me the closest feeling to excitement I've known in a very, very long time. It feels familiar ... and welcoming. It's good to feel a drive to succeed again...

I'd probably be a lot more motivated if I wasn't floored with a horrendous flu right now ... It's lasted a week and it's FINALLY going away ... but I still have sore spots and open blisters in my throat and tonsils, as well as a very aggressive cough--both of which have resulted in very acute voice loss. Only today have I been able to speak somewhat normally without having to whisper. I've missed a week and 2 days off work so far and counting ... I can forgot working until this cough is gone and I can speak without pain. Sickness sucks...

That ends this rant. Far be it for me to know when the next will be ... so don't fucking ask. Because I won't fucking tell you. So ... fuck. Yes, being sick makes me nonsensical, foul-mouthed, and cranky. Go fuck your ass with cattle prod, pisswad...

*flips off and showers the world with her disease*

-- Synwolf

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Current Mood: sick
Current Music:
Papa Roach - Getting Away with Murder