Thursday, October 09, 2008


I feel like I'm losing my mind ... seriously. I'm unraveling like a ball of twine, faster than I can wrap myself back around the spool. I don't know what's going on...

It's been more than 2 weeks since I remedied that fiasco with my creepy ex-friend (okay, I'll admit ... there was a time, years ago, where it was more than that--but that's long in the past and I don't like admitting to it). It was completely out of sight, out of mind. The calls stopped and while I didn't get the resolution I was hoping for, the fact that the harassment has ended is still a sound victory in my book. High fives and happy endings all around, right? .... Right?


For the past 4 days, every time I lay down to sleep--whether it's an all-night sleep or a 30-minute nap--I'm haunted with dreams about this individual. And they're NEVER the good variety.

Dream 1: His significant other comes pleading to me for help, terrified, because he has started physically abusing her, viciously. There is a scene where I actually hear, but not see, one such abuse taking place.

Dream 2: My inbox is flooded--FLOODED--with emails from him. Like 3 pages of emails from him. All similar and same stuff to the voice mails from the harassment calls. Dream ends when I hit the Reply button.

Dream 3: I'm engaged in a confrontational AIM session with him where he threatens me with physical retaliation. There's a knock on my door. Dream ends.

Dream 4: I'm a detective working on a serial rape/murder case. In the end, I discover it's him. He comes after me, breaking into my house to attack me.

I'm scared shitless. Some people don't put much stock in dream meanings, but I do. Especially when, in the past, some of them have turned out to be premonitions. Do I believe these dreams are premonitions? It's not likely ... but sometimes dreams--especially reoccurring ones or ones that all follow a similar theme--are trying to relay a message. Maybe it's trying to tell me I handled this situation badly? Maybe I still have emotional baggage tying me to this whole situation? Maybe it's all not over yet?

I don't know, I don't know, I DON'T KNOW.

I hate this. I feel like a rambling lunatic, but it's because my thoughts are all so disjointed and scrambled. But it's one of those feelings where you feel like if you share it with someone else, you'll find out that it all wasn't real and it'll go away. Who knows...

I'm finally losing it.

Current Mood: cornered
Current Music: Evanescence - Call Me When You're Sober